falsafa

Zeid Hamdan Update

2011-07-30T08:50:00.001+03:00

I was wrong. The guards didn't tell Zeid Hamdan to "go home". The judge did! Also, according to the article, there is an explanation for the 'tweet from jail' question:

As he was put into handcuffs, Hamdan managed to pass his mobile phone to his lawyer."I gave him my Facebook code and asked him to do an announcement to my Facebook profile, which he did."

I was wrong again. It was Facebook, not Twitter. What I find confusing is how a person can pass a mobile phone to someone else while being put in handcuffs without being noticed. And why did the lawyer need Zeid's phone to post on Facebook? Everybody knows that you can access Facebook from any payphone or telex office.

In an interview with NOWLebanon blogger Angie Nassar, Zeid had the following to say:

I have a feeling that all this is just a mistake. Someone wanting to do good with the president but not being clever or someone wanting to harm the president and give him a bad image. I don’t know, it’s so stupid, you know.

'Stupid' doesn't even begin to describe it.

Zeid Hamdan - Go home!

2011-07-28T13:00:00.004+03:00

That's reportedly what the guards told Zeid when they released him last night.

I saw this video last year and promptly forgot about it, until I heard that Zeid Hamdan got arrested yesterday. First, here's the story as I understand it:

Zeid Hamdan made the music video over a year ago. In the past few days/weeks, he was taken in for interrogation three times for the 'crime' of 'slandering' President (General) Suleiman in his music video. At the end of the third session (yesterday) he was arrested, only to be released a few hours later. During his incarceration, he managed to tweet that he was in jail, and asked all of his friends to mobilize. And mobilize they did!

The (now) infamous video

The story seems pretty straightforward. But I have a few questions, and searching online, I can't find any more details that might help me answer those questions. Before I get into it though, let it be known that I FULLY and UNEQUIVOCALLY support freedom of speech in all forms, and condemn any government or entity that tries to curtail this freedom.

That being said, here are the points I would like to raise:

1) How was he able to send that tweet from a holding cell? Did his guards forget to take his cellphone? Or does he have a twitter implant?

2) Within a few hours of his tweet, facebook and twitter were being flooded by demands for his release. A protest was planned. People were rightfully enraged by the news. This might lead one to speculate that the government, seeing what a small protest over a polarizing issue has led to in other countries, decided to nip this problem in the bud and release him. While this may be the most obvious reason for the briefness of his stay in the can, is it the real reason? The Lebanese government we all know and love is a slow, sticky, lumbering and often smelly beast. While not outside the realm of possible actions our great bureaucracy can take, it is nevertheless extremely uncharacteristic.

3) Who is(are) the moron(s) who decided to arrest Zeid Hamdan in the first place? The video is on youtube and has been disseminated to many, many other websites. Zeid Hamdan has no control over it. They can't force him to 'take it down'. So this(these) complete buffoon(s) in the security apparatus, in the better interest of our president's good name, decided to arrest the guy who made the video, bringing the video front and center on every Lebanese computer screen. They unwittingly made the video (and its creator (and its 'slanderous' message)) famous!

What am I implying? You figure it out, nerds.

Blue line blues

2010-08-04T09:47:00.001+03:00

The clash between the Lebanese army and the IDF yesterday sparked a flurry of commentary and accusations about which side was at fault.

UNIFIL soldier impotently waving a UN flag

Some claimed that Israel was responsible because they crossed the security fence to cut down the tree, an act constituting a violation of UN resolution 1701. It was therefore within the rights of the Lebanese army to fire at the Israelis. Others claimed that the tree was in Israeli territory and therefore there was no violation of resolution 1701 by Israel.

This brings up a few questions:

1) What is the relationship between the blue line and the security fence? Is the security fence located along the exact same path of the blue line?
2) If the two diverge, is the entirety of the security fence within Israeli territory? Are some parts of it in Lebanese territory?
3) Who built the security fence and when did they build it?
4) Again, if the two are not perfectly aligned, are there markings (posts, flags, etc.) to indicate where the blue line runs? If not, then how is the Lebanese army/IDF/UNIFIL able to tell with certainty if a given tree is one one side or the other of the blue line at a glance without using sophisticated technology?
5) Is the space between the fence and the blue line (assuming there is such a space) some sort of demilitarized zone? If so, what are the rules governing the rights of either party if the opposing party enters this zone?

All reports I've seen on this incident have been very vague on the issue of the blue line/security fence. Those blaming Israel seem to be claiming that the fence IS the blue line, and the those defending Israel seem to be claiming that the blue line (at least in the area of the fighting yesterday) is farther north of the fence.

Unless the questions above are addressed, and unless there is a consensus on the answers, the accusations will continue to fly with none bearing any weight.

The series of events that lead to the fighting are, for the most part, not in dispute. So what remains is for the UN to declare that the IDF either crossed into Lebanese territory or it didn't (or, in the case of the demilitarized zone theory, was it within Israel's rights to cross into the zone), which would decide the whole thing.

Tribunal tribulations

2010-07-28T13:35:00.000+03:00

How can the LF leader make these statements and sound in any way credible? At the risk of stating the obvious, consider the following scenario:

- Mr. A is found dead. Three witnesses come forward, all stating that Mr. B did it.

- Mr. B gets arrested and waits in jail for the investigation to continue.

- Later, Mr. B is released with no charge, completely innocent.

Shouldn't it follow that the witnesses who came forward to accuse Mr. B, at the very least, be interrogated? Why did they all tell the same (false) story? Who was behind it? Could the witnesses possibly provide clues as to who the real culprit was, or at least lead investigators in the right direction?

Now back to the situation at hand. My point here is not to defend the four security chiefs or Syria. The security chiefs who were arrested are no angels. There is no shortage of accusations that they are corrupt individuals who helped Syria strangle the country during the occupation. Ideally, they should be investigated for those crimes, as should every official in Lebanon who is suspected of corruption.

Since the security chiefs were arrested on the testimony of multiple witnesses and later released, then the witnesses' testimonies were false, in which case those witnesses merit investigation. This is not rocket science.

So how can anyone then imply that there are no false witnesses?

If the tribunal is not investigating the witnesses (and to all appearances it is not), how can Rafik Hariri's son, Saad, or we, the Lebanese, or the UN view it as a credible body that is performing its duties with due diligence?

Again, everything I've said here is obvious, but it seems that many people either refuse to see it, or in the case of certain politicians, actively deny it.

Am I way off here? Is there something I'm missing?

The gods must be financially inept

2010-07-20T14:15:00.002+03:00

Somewhat related to a previous post, I found this today. It seems that our fellow Asians over in India are taking religion to the next level:

AN Indian court has ruled that Hindu gods cannot deal in stocks and shares, after an application for trading accounts to be set up in their names.
Two judges at the Bombay High Court yesterday rejected a petition from a private religious trust to open accounts in the names of five deities, including the revered elephant-headed god, Ganesha.
"Trading in shares on the stock market requires certain skills and expertise and to expect this from deities would not be proper," judges P.B. Majumdar and Rajendra Sawant said, according to Indian newspapers.

Apparently, the judges don't think Ganesha can handle the stresses of the stock market. Who can, right?

Ganesa or Ganesh, also known as Ganapati,
Vinayaka, and Pillaiyar

If it was up to me, they should open up a brokerage firm, or a fund management company in Ganesha's name. Who better to manage your assets than the 'remover of obstacles' who also happens to be immortal?

But the levy was dry

2010-07-15T23:09:00.002+03:00

Now that the World Cup is over, what is this dude going to do with his pimped out Chevy Cavalier?

It says "HOLAND" across the top of the trunk.

In retrospect, maybe spray-painting his car fluorescent orange wasn't such a good idea. He's probably kicking himself.

And it's kinda sad that as big a fan of Holland as he is, he can't spell it right. On the other hand, I could be wrong and this masterpiece of modern design could just be an homage to the controversial lost continent of Ho-Land.

If you look closely, you can see that one of his friends left what looks like a Spane flag in the back of the car.

A post with a moral

2010-07-04T23:10:00.001+03:00

The other day I was driving on the highway towards Jounieh, and there was quite a bit of traffic. Consequently, there was a fair number of hawkers selling bug zappers, straw hats, cologne, etc. on the side of the road. Just past the tunnel, I saw this guy:

Selling sponges that clean
and shine your dashboard

Well, some guy in a shiny new CLK a few cars ahead of mine decided he wanted one of those sponges and started haggling with the hawker. Traffic was stop-and-go, so the peddler had to jog every few seconds to keep up with the CLK. A few times, traffic was more go than stop, and he had to jog a hundred meters or so to continue negotiating the deal. This went on for some time, and after about one kilometer, the CLK dude decided the sponge was beyond his price range, indicated by the peddler dropping his pursuit of the car.

Now, considering that the price of one of those sponges couldn't have been more than LL 5,000 ($3.33), and the poor peddler had just jogged over a kilometer in the blazing sun trying to make the sale, the guy in the car should have felt bad after the first hundred meters or so and just bought the damn sponge. Instead, he kept the negotiation going and turned the guy down flat.

Moral: Lebanese who drive expensive cars are pricks.

Death wish?

2010-07-01T13:21:00.003+03:00

Considering the arrests and censorship that have occurred, this guy has balls!

I am reminded of a blogger whose blog disappeared off the face of the earth a couple years ago, Tantalus of the infamous I Hate Lebanon blog. His posts about the Lebanese establishment were less than glowing, to say the least, and one day the blog vanished, as did his email address.

If nothing happens to this Hanibaal, then my theory that the people in our government who are monitoring this stuff either do not speak English or are not interested in English commentary will have been corroborated. But if that is the case, what happened to Tantalus?

Who's your momma?

2010-07-01T11:29:00.002+03:00

This is priceless! It's even better than the Mickey Mouse fatwa. For a list of other bizarre fatwas, click here.

Speaking of breasts, and not to be outdone by the enlightened clerics in Saudi Arabia, the Christian faith has also had its share of weirdos.

Lebanon: the next China

2010-07-01T09:25:00.002+03:00

This is an update to my previous post.

In a completely unexpected move, the entire forum at tayyar.org has been taken offline. Remember that trend I was talking about? One can't help but wonder who else will start getting censored/arrested for criticizing our political leaders.

As an exercise, try doing a google search for the following:

hate -insert your favorite Lebanese political figure's name here-

As you'll see, there is no shortage of hate sites out there. Who's gonna be next?

Facebook a breeding ground for internet criminals?

2010-06-29T17:35:00.003+03:00

What the...?!

I don't know what these dudes posted on Facebook, but unless they threatened his personal safety, why should the government care? It's not like they insulted the Sayyid! Am I right? And why do our laws protect our 'sister state' at the expense of our fellow citizens' freedoms?

Also take a look at this.

With these stories, and with the proposed bill earlier this month to block voip in Lebanon, I'm starting to see a trend. There's trouble in InternetLand.

I, for one, will immediately be selling all of my farmville crops, trees, decorations, animals, etc. and buying a farmville bomb shelter...

...until they make farmville illegal on the grounds that it's creating a labor shortage in our agriculture sector.

Update: The Facebook post that caused all this commotion has been removed, but the folks at tayyar.org have posted a copy. Let's see how long it stays up there.

New look, same thought-provoking content

2010-06-28T12:10:00.001+03:00

It's been quite a while since I posted anything, but I did make some changes to the look of the blog. Enjoy!

On the content front, I'm gearing up for a new burst of posts. I have no doubt that you, dear reader, will be floored by my forthcoming brilliance. Hold on to your hats!

Return of the faylasoof

2010-05-13T22:53:00.001+03:00

It's been a while, but we're back! Stay tuned...

The crazy must be gods

2008-10-21T20:07:00.007+03:00

I spent a little time perusing the Ouwet Front website today and I have to say, the people who post there are completely insane. I attempted to partake in the Geagea lovefest by commenting on one of their embarrassing posts, but alas, it was not meant to be. Their comments are moderated, and mine has yet to clear the Ouwet Front censorship gauntlet.

Here's what i wrote:

5. faylasoof | October 21st, 2008 at 4:44 pm

Your comment is awaiting moderation.

I’m no fan of Aoun, much less “Dr.” Geagea, but I have to say that you do yourselves and your political beliefs/ambitions/followers/leaders no favors by posting this inane drivel. It’s a testament to Lebanon’s sorry excuse for a political culture that followers of this leader or that stoop to such intellectually challenged nonsense to “put down” their opponents.

Grow up and at least pretend that you respect our country and its future by engaging in a more mature discourse.

Or do what I do, which is bash them ALL for the lying, corrupt, murdering, hypocritical, genocidal maniacs that they are, no exceptions.

This website/blog/Geagea-shrine is imbecilic. Stop worshipping your leaders and hold them accountable. Do something - anything - to help our country, and stop disrespecting yourselves and your homeland.

It wasn't until after I clicked 'submit' that I was informed that my comment was "awaiting moderation." Figuring that there was no way they would allow the comment through (every comment I saw on the site was in fawning agreement with the fawning poster, so they either have a VERY homogenous reading base, or they don't believe in freedom of expression), I decided to taunt whoever moderates the comments there:

6. faylasoof | October 21st, 2008 at 4:47 pm

Your comment is awaiting moderation.

Dear moderator:

I DARE you to allow my previous post to be shown.

Or, you can go ahead and prove you’re a coward.

Love and kisses,
faylasoof

A quick jab at the weak point of Geageaniacs the world over - their legendary bravery (especially when the enemy is asleep, defenseless, or pleading for mercy). Impulsive? Yes. Slightly childish? Probably, but I couldn't resist. There's something about mindless adoration that baffles, disgusts, and at the same time intrigues me, and I feel the need to poke it with a stick just to see what happens.

It's been a few hours, and our esteemed moderator hasn't bitten yet. I will now post a comment on Ouwet Front containing a link to this post. I think that may make the internet implode.

UPDATE: My comments made it through. Both of them. And I got a nice response from one of the Ouwet Front bloggers:

10. N10452 | October 21st, 2008 at 8:01 pm

Faylasoof,
You are the imbecile who dont even read our posts before spreading your bull shit here ..

And i dont need to prove to anyone anything … so khaffif falsafe cause hay2itto 2essem 3ala mousamma ..

I'm a little insulted.

28.75 hundred hundred hundred hundred dollars

2008-10-18T16:18:00.002+03:00

Saudi Arabia, according to this "well-known Saudi writer and journalist" has been very generous to Lebanon:

In the last two years Saudi Arabia has giving over 2,875 million dollars for the reconstruction of the Lebanese regions after the July war. One thousand million dollars of this money was deposited in the Central bank and another 1,000 million dollars was the amount of money that Saudi Arabia had pledged to give, at the Paris 3 Conference. The latest Saudi aid to Lebanon was 44 million dollars to meet the needs of the current academic year.
This is the Saudi aid to Lebanon. It is clear, open, with defined objectives. It does not give anyone the opportunity to speculate and claim that the Saudi aid is meant for just one region of the country and not the rest of it.

Ah, the Saudi Press. That bastion of free thought, expression, and objectivity. Yes, the Saudis' generosity is welcome. Any help from anyone is welcome. But Asharq Alawsat cannot possibly print statements like those above and expect anyone to unquestioningly swallow them whole.

Out of 2.875 billion dollars, 1 billion was deposited in the Central bank. Fine. Another 1 billion was pledged at the Paris 3 conference. Fine. The latest Saudi aid to Lebanon was 44 million dollars. Fine.

That adds up to 1.044 billion actually given to Lebanon. So where did the other 1.831 billion go? To me, and correct me if I'm out of line, that sounds anything but "clear, open," and "with defined objectives." It sounds markedly unclear, closed, and with very vague objectives.

Saudi Arabia is rich. We get it. And it likes to help its Arab neighbors. It's very noble, generous, etc. But please, please do not insult our intelligence, Mr. Diyab, by claiming that anything Saudi Arabia does, including its philanthropic pet projects, is done in a transparent, clear, open, or even close to approaching unbiased manner. And when you do wish to insult our intelligence by making such a claim, at least have the decency to back up your comments with numbers that add up.

Oh, and in case you didn't know, there is a word for 'a thousand million'. It's called "billion".

If I were a citizen of the United States...

2008-10-10T20:42:00.000+03:00

...

I would be ashamed of myself and my fellow country(wo)men for allowing our government to wreak the havoc that it has.
I would feel incredible guilt for dragging the rest of the world along as we drove ourselves to economic and moral ruin.
I would be unable to fathom, let alone express my regrets to the millions of innocent people who have died because of my country's desire to 'get ahead.'
I would do something about it.

The American people hold the fate of the world in their hands.

It is sickening.

In the eye of the beholder?

2008-10-03T20:19:00.000+03:00

Very nice photos of and commentary about Lebanon. It brings a tear to my eye to think of how we take it for granted, and what it could be if we only worked with rather than against each other. Call me corny, but some of the comments on the digg page for this post really did move me to tears.

Wow

2008-10-02T19:24:00.001+03:00

During my daily browsing escapades, I ran across this blog:

postsecret.blogspot.com

and I fell in love with it.

Too many staple holes? Bad driver!

2008-09-24T22:49:00.009+03:00

The darak have really taken their new traffic law diligence to heart. Every single non-camouflage wearing darakeh that I've seen since Saturday has either been ticketing someone or at least holding a ticket book, looking for someone to bust.

Paying the fine associated with a traffic ticket in Lebanon has historically been a torturous process. It usually involves spending the better portion of a morning navigating the halls of one of our country's numerous administrative buildings, roaming from office to office for a signature here, a form filled there. At some point a visit to a nearby shop is required to buy a government stamp. The process usually ends with the offender feeling frustrated, disgusted, a little tired and somewhat violated. I can't imagine that paying a civil fine in medieval Europe would have been so arduous.

What is the reason for this? As far as I can tell, it is a combination of bad management and corruption. Bad management in the sense that the procedures required to ensure that everything is recorded properly and that the fine is ultimately paid are convoluted and extremely inefficient. Corruption in the sense that there are more government jobs than are strictly needed (our head administrators, for some reason or other, cannot or will not streamline the number of positions under their jurisdictions) so an inefficient system needs to be put in place to give all these people something to do.

This forces the rest of us to wade through a giant pile of red tape to get even the most basic government-related task done, including but not limited to paying traffic fines, passport issue/renewal, anything and everything to do with customs, anything and everything to do with the military, and the list goes on. These hurdles to getting things done must have an impact on the productivity of the country as a whole. In the case of traffic violations, however, they are a blessing in disguise.

I, for one, am not as annoyed at having to part with the L.L.50,000 fine required for a speeding ticket as I am at having to go through the ordeal required to make that payment and get my driver's license back. In the 'civilized' world, a traffic ticket can be paid in under a minute, usually at a drive-thru or online. Contact is only required with at most one government employee (the person sitting behind the window at the drive-thru), and the job is done. But in those countries, they have demerit points that get applied to your driving record that can affect your driving privileges and even your insurance premiums. Our equivalent to this second deterrent (the first being the actual fine) is the aforementioned ordeal.

One funny thing I've noticed: To keep their stacks of issued tickets and confiscated driver's licenses organized, the darak staple their copy of each offender's ticket to that offender's license. Once the offender gets his license back, it has a staple in it, which he/she has to remove. This is an ingenious replacement to the demerit system. All one has to do is count the staple holes in a driver's license to guage that driver's record.

I, being in many ways a typical Lebanese, never wear a seat belt. On Saturday, I got a ticket. So now I grudgingly strap in every time I'm in the car. There are far too many serious traffic accidents in the country, so although I am annoyed at having to wear my seat belt, I also feel that enforcing these laws are necessary, especially since most drivers here wouldn't pass a standard driving test in another country. One of these days my head will explode from an excess of cognitive dissonance.

Of course the current ticketing craze will pass, as does every other fad in the country, social or administrative. We are, after all, in Lebanon.

The ramblings of a crazy towelhead

2008-09-22T08:05:00.012+03:00

“Why do they hate us?” they asked.

“Because you are free,” they were told.

Unfortunately, for many Americans, that answer was good enough to satisfy their curiosity on the subject. It was enough to convince them to allow their leaders to go on a rampage in central and West Asia, killing thousands of their own children in the process, not to mention hundreds of thousands of innocent people in the region. It was enough, ironically, to convince them to give up some of those freedoms in the interest of security.

After seven years of utter disaster in foreign policy the leaders can claim, despite all the crime, death, misery, and destruction they caused around the world, despite having polarized the entire planet, despite all the new hatred that they created, that they have kept the United States and her citizens safe from any further attacks. They can claim, with as much or as little honesty as they please, that under their leadership 5 or 10 or 1,000 attacks were thwarted, all thanks to their security measures and their foresight and their amber, magenta, and turquoise alerts.

“Who’s gonna know?” they may say to themselves. “We done good!” they say to everyone else.

Three years after it all started, the regime was re-elected. Apparently, the masses (or just over half of them) still hadn’t awakened from their terror-induced stupor. Two years after that, it seemed that enough of them had opened their eyes to make some changes in the mid-term elections. And now, seven years after that fateful day (fateful for all 6.5 billion of us), we still see the hateful, lying, murderous snake called fear rear its head and strike into the hearts of the American public. Its latest incarnation: a mass-produced, widely distributed, fear- and hatred-inspiring DVD that was delivered to newspaper readers all over the country, primarily in presidential election swing states.

Fear and hatred go hand in hand. And no Ahmadinejad, Kim Jong Il or Nasrallah can compete with the fear-inspiring hatred spewed forth by the likes of Rush Limbaugh or Sean Hannity. For a real taste of good old fashioned down-home Confederate-style right-wing hatred, you need look no further than one of their daily radio shows. After listening to a snippet or two, you could be forgiven for thinking that these men, with their racist, narrow-minded, hate-filled, and sometimes downright evil message, cannot possibly have a substantial following in educated, liberal, freedom-loving America. But you’d be wrong. Their shows are syndicated across the country, from Maine to California, Washington to Florida, and Alaska, Hawaii, Puerto Rico, and the U.S. Virgin Islands. They have huge fan bases (Limbaugh has over 20 million listeners daily!), to which they preach hatred and fear on a daily basis. We know the fans listen, because the advertising dollars keep coming and their contracts are extended with larger and larger sums of money. These are just two of the big ones. There are countless others on radio and TV, in churches and synagogues, in print and on the Internet.

As the 2008 presidential election approaches, I, along with the rest of the world, wait with baited breath to see who will be the victor. It is sad that all of us non-Americans care so much about who their president will be. It is sad that we, all of humankind, will be profoundly affected by the outcome of this election, and yet we are powerless to influence it.

If Obama wins, they will say that the terrorists have won. That term is so overused, so mishandled, so abused.

The League of Nations, in 1937, defined terrorism as:

All criminal acts directed against a State and intended or calculated to create a state of terror in the minds of particular persons or a group of persons or the general public.

In keeping with the trend of using the word in any and all possible situations to further one's agenda, if McCain wins, I will say that the terrorists have won. To avoid ambiguity and be as clear as possible, I do not mean that I think the American people are terrorists. The terrorists I'm referring to are those within the American socio-political sphere that, to use the definition above, commit "acts directed against a State [the United States]...intended or calculated to create a state of terror in the minds of particular persons or a group of persons or the general public [the American people]." You may have noticed that I left the word 'criminal' out. These acts, by virtue of their own definition, are criminal.

(Side note: Maybe I give Obama too much credit. He may end up being a big flop. But I hope he wins and I hope he puts his words into action. A big flop is preferable to 4 or 8 more years of insanity any day of the week. If McCain wins, I foresee a war with Iran that will have disastrous global repercussions.)

What the American public needs to ask itself is: Do we prefer that the terrorists (real or imagined) conduct their business (real or imagined) in a far-off mystical land called Asia, or do we prefer that they conduct their business right here at home in the halls and offices of our executive, legislative, and judicial buildings?

Terrorism on its own is not an end. It is a means to an end. Americans have for years been force-fed the end (real or imagined) that the terrorists (real or imagined) are striving towards. But what 'end' are their local terrorists striving towards? The answer to that, I think, is far more terrifying, both for America and the world at large.

Falesfeh (faylasoofs) unite!

2008-09-20T08:17:00.005+03:00

It seems that the creator of this blog was unaware that this blog existed when he created this blog. It is quite coincidental, however, that this blog's title and description are quite similar to those of this blog. And, this blog and this blog were created within a month or two of each other. What are the chances?

Confused yet?

I think the falesfeh at blogspot and the falesfeh at wordpress should join forces and rule the world! The stars are aligned, and it appears that this is our destiny.

Falesfeh (faylasoofs) unite! The rest of humankind: Beware!

I will begin work on our manifesto tonight.

There's no gnus like good gnus...

2008-09-19T20:15:00.013+03:00

Disputes abound behind closed doors as our new council of ministers argues over everything from electricity rationing to the Higher Relief Council's choices of roads that require paving in Jbeil.

Is this really news? What is the definition of 'news' anyway? According to Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary:

News\, n [From New; cf. F. nounelles. News ?s plural in form, but is commonly used with a singular verb.]

1. A report of recent occurences; information of something that has lately taken place, or of something before unknown; fresh tindings; recent intelligence.
2. Something strange or newly happened.
3. A bearer of news; a courier; a newspaper. [Obs.]
- dictionary.com

The word derives from NEW, meaning NOT OLD, and as it pertains to local, regional, or global happenings that are reported, the term cannot (or at least should not) be used to refer to information that is already known or expected.

For an example of a story that is newsworthy, see:

Tests find chemical also in liquid milk in China

This is definitely news. I did not expect that the chemical would also be found in liquid milk when I heard the original story a few days ago about the chemical being found in powdered milk (which, incidentally, was also news). Did you?

It can be argued that NOTHING that occurs in the Lebanese political sphere is news. Here's a summary of all the strictly political news that has occurred in the past 3 and a half years:

-Foreign powers meddle in our internal politics

-Politicians are unwilling or unable to agree

-Public figures get assassinated
-Short bursts of violence occur from time to time

That about sums it up.

I, for one, am bored of the 'news' being spewed forth from our media outlets. Maybe we need another war with Israel to spice things up. Or, if you can possibly imagine, something really unexpected like a move towards an end to sectarianism, corruption, and lawlessness and a new era of patriotism, reconciliation, advancement, peace...

I'd buy tickets to see that.

The trouble with sheep

2008-09-19T09:48:00.003+03:00

There are so many things wrong on so many levels with what happened in the Koura and the aftermath that I get nauseated just thinking about it.

At a time when the various leaders and political factions are (seemingly) trying to iron out their differences, an incident like this clearly shows that it's all an act. All it has done is confirm (once again) that crazy homicidal shepherds are leading crazy homicidal sheep, none of whom care one whit about their country.

Imagine a New York City or Chicago that has been overrun by organized crime to the point where the crime bosses become leaders in the local government and somehow manage to gain independence from the rest of the state and the US as a whole. Now imagine that those crime bosses manage to hire a genius physicist and mechanical engineer who devises a machine that can move the city halfway across the world to the eastern end of the Mediterranean…

Wait. I’m getting carried away. (Note to self: new idea for a sci-fi/mafia novel)

Will the government conduct a proper investigation? Not a chance.

Imitation is...

2008-09-18T11:13:00.003+03:00

the sincerest form of flattery?

Hillary 'Shlomo' Clinton for prez!

2008-06-05T00:58:00.004+03:00

I caught the last few minutes of Hillary Clinton's speech at AIPAC today.

Wow.

She may not have made it as the Democratic presidential candidate, but she sure did a good job of convincing the rest of the world (and any marginally intelligent Americans) that she can kiss the Israeli lobby's ass with the best of 'em.

Unfortunately, I missed Obama's speech at AIPAC. I wonder how thick he laid it on.

Exclusive!

2008-06-04T17:42:00.003+03:00

Falsafa has received exclusive information that NOW! Lebanon is staffed, run, and owned by a pack of Orthodox Jewish hunchbacks who are pathological liars and sociopathic exhibitionists. This exclusive information is exclusive to falsafa, so falsafa has no obligation to reveal the well-informed source or prove to anyone that it is, in fact, true. That is the nature of exclusive information. You will not see this information anywhere else, as it is exclusive to falsafa. You have no choice but to believe falsafa in this, because it's exclusively true. If you object to this exclusive information, please feel free to comment, but falsafa cannot guarantee that your comment will be published.

Pathologically, sociopathically, and exclusively yours,

faylasoof

Silence the violence

2008-06-04T09:05:00.008+03:00

Check this out.

I have no doubt that weapons smuggling through the Beirut airport (not to mention across the Syrian border, along our coastline, and through the American Embassy) is rampant, but when silencers are involved it adds an extra notch of intrigue.

You don't need silencers when arming your militia. The level of stealth that silenced weapons provide is not required for Jean, Ali, Georges, or Hussam to cause mayhem in the streets in the event of sectarian fighting. So what kind of activity requires the use of silencers (other than to avoid waking up the neighbors during your late-night target practice sessions)?

The only thing I can think of is covert operations...going to a place you're not supposed to be to kill someone and escape without being seen or heard. What kind of target would require that kind of stealth?

So they caught the guy and the weapons are in the hands of the government (a mixed blessing, of course). But there must have been a backup plan...and if there was, how many other smugglers didn't get caught bringing their silencer-equipped guns into the country?

For all you ladies (and gents, I'm sure) who are having affairs with our esteemed politicians, my suggestion is to avoid your amour like the plague for the next little while. Someone 'important' is going to 'commit suicide' soon, it seems.

The number of radii in 180 degrees of the circumference of a circle = marada

2008-06-01T21:15:00.005+03:00

Our commander in chief has given the following order: Remove Provocative Signs.

Will they listen? My guess: No. But let's imagine, for a moment, a Lebanon with no Ayatollah cardboard cutouts, no SSNP ninja stars, no machine guns worked into a graphic of the word 'Allah', no crazy crosses, no 'pi' signs (I still don't understand the logic or symbolism behind that one), no meaningless checkmarks. Wouldn't that be a beautiful Lebanon?

I hope they'll listen. Regardless, this is a commendable move by our head honcho.

Monday is just around the corner. Let's see how it pans out.

Bombings and bell-bottoms

2008-05-31T19:33:00.001+03:00

I was beginning to think that bombings were going out of style in Lebanon.

Apparently, I was wrong. Or maybe I was right, and they're making a comeback.

Your national security or my national security?

2008-05-30T17:28:00.009+03:00

One is left wondering, after reading this: What, exactly, is this threat that Hezbollah poses to US national security? Is it the same threat that Saddam posed? Are Hezbollah operatives poised to attack the United States from across the southern border in Mexico? Are Nasrallah's elite fighters camped out in Saskatchewan and Manitoba, waiting for the perfect opportunity to eliminate American freedoms in Wisconsin and North Dakota?

Oh...wait...is he talking about Israel's national security? This is so confusing!

The country whose national security is most threatened by Hezbollah is Lebanon. And no, I don't mean when they decide to flex their muscles and take over Hamra. I'm referring to events such as Operation Grapes of Wrath and the July 2006 war.

The fact is, Hezbollah is a threat to Lebanon's national security just as Saddam was a threat to Iraq's national security just as Bin Laden was a threat to Afghanistan's national security just as Noriega was a threat to Panama's national security just as Hamas is a threat to the occupied Palestinian territories' national (territorial?) security just as Ahmadinejad is a threat to Iran's national security just as communism was a threat to the U.S.S.R.'s and China's national security just as Castro is a threat to Cuba's national security...and so on and so on ad infinitum.

These people, groups, or socio-political concepts are/were a threat to the national securities of their relative host countries/territories/unions for one reason and one reason alone: the United States and/or Israel and their allies saw an opportunity to exploit the situation to gain something out of attacking them. So, ironically, Washington labels them 'threats to OUR national security' thereby creating an excuse to move against them militarily, leading to the host country/territory/union's national security being trampled under US soldiers' bootheels. And all the while, Americans feel warm and fuzzy as they eat their supersized meals in their giant SUVs, thinking that their national security is in safe hands.

Chertoff's title should be changed to US and Israeli Homeland Security Chief. Or maybe the USA should be renamed the United States of America and Israel. Either one works for me.

Incidentally, I saw an interview with Chertoff yesterday on Al Jazeera. I have to hand it to the guy, he's good at answering difficult and potentially embarrassing questions by not answering them at all, while seeming to do his best to answer them honestly.

But at one point, the host asked Chertoff what his comment was on the Al Jazeera cameraman who is currently being released from Guantanamo Bay after being held there for over six years. Chertoff's answer: "I have never heard of that. I obviously don't know every detail about every detainee in Guantanamo Bay." or something to that effect, to which the host replied, laughing: (again, paraphrased) "One would be justified in thinking that you should fire your aides for allowing you to come on this show without giving you that particular piece of information..."

I'm sure heads rolled at the department of homeland security that day. Or maybe promotions were handed out. It's hard to say.

More poetry for the masses

2008-05-30T10:37:00.002+03:00

This gave me goose bumps! The LF should really start a poetry club.

Let's wait and see...

2008-05-30T00:00:00.005+03:00

Despite my criticism of the blind zeal with which the country celebrated the (s)election of our new president, I think I do need to give him the benefit of the doubt. After all, Syria is no longer our occupier, he was elected by all of our parliamentarians fair and square, and he has stated that he will try to reconcile all of the differences between our political leaders. Despite the similarities in background, I shouldn't assume that he will be the same kind of president that Lahoud was. So I will hold back any further criticism until it is warranted.

In the meantime, my sentiments closely match those of Tantalus of Phrygia. (WARNING: not for the faint of heart)

They still spank children in the Middle East, don't they?

2008-05-29T22:09:00.004+03:00

Our leaders are finally regressing back to their childish ways as the novelty of playing grownup in Doha starts to wear off.

Sanioura reportedly responded by crying to the Emir that Nicola stole his lunch money, at which point the Emir put them both in the corner and called their parents.

The case of the falling bullet

2008-05-29T00:23:00.005+03:00

There was a heated debate today among some of my employees regarding whether a bullet fired into the air can fall back to earth with sufficient speed to kill someone. I did a little research on the subject and found the evidence to be inconclusive.

However, I did find out that a penny dropped off the top of the Empire State building will most definitely NOT kill you. I also discovered that I'm very good at finding and retaining useless facts.

Stay tuned for more tantalizing trivia...

And now, for the talent portion of the pageant...

2008-05-28T17:56:00.003+03:00

As history repeats itself, Lebanese rejoice.

2008-05-28T17:20:00.006+03:00

MPs are coming out of the woodwork to nominate Fouad Sanioura as our next prime minister, or as I will call the post if Sanioura gets it, Minister Prime (for some reason, it sounds more sinister that way).

Didn't the guy just say a few days ago that he absolutely positively wasn't interested in the job anymore? What changed his mind?

I really don't get it. Don't they want to forget the nightmare they put the country through over the past few years? Don't they want to put the past behind them and start with a clean slate? How is naming the same guy who headed the last fiasco going to solve anything?? This isn't the beginning of a new era. It's the beginning of a new fiasco.

While we're at it, why don't we invite Syrian troops back on our soil? Let's go all out and ask the Israelis to occupy the south again. We can change South Lebanon's name to Northern Israel. Hezbollah should move back into downtown Beirut, the green line should be reinstated and they should change the new identity cards to include the holder's religion. This country doesn't make any sense.

So while our sinister prime minister gets ready to pucker his lips for America's ass and the opposition prepares for another hand amputation operation, let's hang up more posters of Suleiman and pretend anything in this country is ever going to change.

What a farce.

You're a poet and you didn't know it!

2008-05-28T14:12:00.003+03:00

Geagea must be so proud. There are poets among his minions!

On a more serious note, it seems that the title 'Doctor' isn't reserved solely for those who successfully complete medical school or defend a doctoral dissertation. Apparently, one can also obtain the title through having an intimate knowledge of the human body, gained by years of experience in torture and murder. Our society is full of doctors who aren't taking advantage of the title!

We need a list of names! Pronto!

2008-05-28T09:40:00.003+03:00

This petition, while admirable in its call for a ‘peaceful resistance’, is nonetheless politically motivated and biased. As such, a ‘reputable’ news source such as NOW! Lebanon shouldn’t post a prominent link to it on their website with no commentary, no reference, no nothing. They just post it, as is. So in effect the statements made in this petition are NOW! Lebanon’s statements.

Incidentally, after scanning the list of petitioners at the bottom, something odd caught my attention. First, the names are numbered. This leads one to assume that the names are entered in the same order that these people decided to sign their support for the statement. But do you notice anything else about the list? Some order to the chaos? If you don’t see it, you may as well sign up as a NOW! Lebanon editor.

NOW! Lebanon, where do you get your funding?

To retire or not to retire...

2008-05-28T09:24:00.002+03:00

First, he refused to stay on as PM in the new cabinet.

Now, the majority is nominating him as the new PM, and he isn’t objecting.

Is it any wonder that we can’t decide on anything in this country? On the other hand, the only other candidate was Saad. Wouldn’t that have been a wonderful(ly high) government?

A Plea to the Children of Our Leaders

2008-05-28T09:04:00.003+03:00

O children of our leaders, I humbly beseech you! You are the true power holders in the country. It is you who the masses must depend on for change! It is only for the benefit of their spoiled children that our leaders will get off their asses and do something. Please, talk to your daddies about getting DSL deployed everywhere in the country.

Amen

Asleep Behind the Wheel

2008-05-28T00:07:00.004+03:00

Today I stopped at a local bank to do some business. There were, of course, no unoccupied parking spots. However, the bank had conveniently hired parking attendants to ensure that clients would not decide to go somewhere else. So I double parked, and at the attendant's request, left the key in the ignition. I entered the bank, did my business, and returned to my car a few minutes later, only to find the parking attendant sitting in my car with the radio on, asleep! I opened the door, thinking the sound would be sure to wake him up. Wrong. I gently said "Excuse me." No dice. I nudged the guy on the shoulder and he finally woke up with a start. Quickly composing himself, he stepped out of the car and held the door for me as I got in, smiling to myself.

Poor guy was probably up all last night firing his machine gun into the sky (and other unsuspecting targets).

Long live Lahoud! Uh...I mean...Suleiman!

2008-05-27T23:29:00.005+03:00

It seems we've entered a new era. An era of change, of reconciliation, of dialogue, of peace (whatever that means). To hear most Lebanese tell it, you'd think God Almighty decided to give up his throne in heaven for the 'big cheese' chair at the presidential palace. Miracles will be sure to ensue.